I wrote this a year ago and never posted it...I guess I will
I only go to regular grocery stores maybe once every 2 months because I do not enjoy it one bit. The other day I had four things I needed to pick up at Kroger that I just could not get any where else in a reasonable size. The items were: Kosher salt, cream cheese, gelatin, and well I can't remember what it was and I am sure I forgot to buy it too.
With the kids in the back I pull into the parking lot of the grocery store. after navigating the 4 stop signs every 10 feet so that a costumer doesn't get run over I choose a lane that I plan to park in. I slowly turn the car waiting to that rouge customer that avoided the area where there was a stop sign (how he managed to do that I am not sure) and is now walking down the center of the driving lane looking right and then left and right again apparently trying to locate his misplaced car. Hummm the car did not get up and move when you were shopping buddy. then he veers to the right and crosses over to the next lane.
I find a parking spot but the shopper that was driving that over sized H2 parked in 3 parking spots. I guess he didn't want someone to ding his doors or maybe he is....well I will stop there. I chose to park where I usually park in a lot way in the back where the plastic bag blow in the wind like tumble weed. It is safer for the kids to get out of the car out here anyway; however, I do have to try to keep them from getting hit until we get the the safety of the stop signs. What all these stop signs and the cars are still not stopping and we almost get hit by a man with very large sunglasses with he side Shields, you know what ones, they help keep the light out of cataract.
The kids an I make it to the door. the door slides open and we are hit with the sound of crushing metal, clinking glass, machine motors, and a stench of old beer. we step through the door and immediately our sandals stick to the floor and the kids run to that never been washed shopping cart that looks like a car that has a broken front wheel. I say no way and they start to cry, I try to explain why but they can't hear me over the crushing of the beer cans and the cries of "why not Mommy". I crab the closest regular cart and push my way through the next set of doors.
Push through the second set of doors is an exaggeration because as the doors open and I move the kids and the cart forward there is a large stand of sales items right in front of where most people would walk into the store. ok quick right or left dang there are people in the way. the kids keep walking right through the legs of the people looking at the ad right inside the door. I navigate around the end caps, flowers, people, and some large cardboard Chiquita banana and manage to grab my son before he made a break for it down the chip isle. At this point it hits me, oh wow that is bad the smell of bad meat or is it just the way meat counters smell but it is not nice. I grab the kids and we go to find the salt.
As we are trying to move our way to the baking isle (where is that isle?) the kids see a pretty end cap with toys, of boy! I tell them to put that feather flamingo pen back and come with me. DD says ok and I move on to that baking isle. while trying to determine what kosher salt I need I pull my cart along the far edge of the isle and stand right in front of it so that people can move though the isle while I stand and look at my salt options and prices. I look up and the kids are gone. hummm must with those flamingos, oh here is DD but where is DS (DS has a gift at disappearing in the store but he is too big for the cart, just my luck I have a 2 year old the size of a four year old) I send DD to go find him but as she steps out a woman comes around the corner of the isle, almost careens into DD. DD dodged the cart and slips through, that goodness she made it without losing a toe. Woman with cart stops right in front of me and starts fingering through the spices. I will not put into words what I was thinking. I moved my cart forward so that people could move around crazy driving spice woman and I go to find my children. Yes they were over still playing with feathery flamingo pens and alligator wined up toys. the kids and I return all the toys, go back to the baking sile and wait for crazy driving spice woman to move over enough the me to reach an arm between her and her cart and crab a box of salt, any salt at this pint it did not matter. Ok let get the gelatin. where did it go, last year when I bought gelatin it was right here. Of course this was Farmer Jack back them and now it was Kroger. of look they have a whole new section, there is the gelatin, grab it and run.
To the dairy isle. this Isle is always so cold. Beer, wine coolers, orange juice, stuff that says juice drink, cheese, sour cream, yogurt, milk......no cream cheese hummmmmm. ok lets go back. Milk, yogurt, sour cream, cottage cheese, cheese, cheese, butter, hummm, juice drink, OJ, coolers. What is the cream cheese doing on the other side of the beer anyway. In the corner with not room and a really big guy looking for cheep beer. Oh boy, get around the guy grab the cream cheese, ok kids yeas you can have some bagels, grab them and lets, darn someone else after the beer. Excuse us please.
The checkouts. Stay far away from the candy lanes, that leaves the self checkout. that is cool I was a cashier at a grocery store for 2 years I could scan over 100 items a minute (yes I kicked butt) self checkout looks like my best choice. Walk up, press start order, DD wants to ring stuff up. ok go ahead and ring up those bagels you have in your had. Pass, Pass, pass, move up and down, up, down, right, left, ok let me try. pass, pass, pass, stretch out bar code pass, pass, ring. place in bag on scale. I say to kids "Please do not touch or everything will stop" . cream cheese rings up, set on scale DD picks it up and everything stops, attendant is not to be found.........there she is, she does her magic I ring up everything, get out my Kroger Card (I really don't like cards to get my sale items) and DD picks up the bag, everything stops, attendant is off talking, again. Oh wait here she comes. I ring up the card and get my $.74 savings, $20.00 I did not buy anything, moving forward, I swipe my card DS grabs the receipt and off we go. Not that easy they have big balls, Cars and princess kids tables (did I tell you my son is obsessed with cars and my daughter is obsessed with princesses, well they are) and they veer straight to the tables and balls. ok set for a second, oh now the special needs guy is coming and he always wants to play with the kids. "come on you guys lets go, DD push the cart, DS here help with the bag" we are free, at the door, oh no the parking lot. hold my hand kids. STOP, car blew right through that stop sign. we make it to the car but I am unable to back up because there is a row of carts behind me, there he is getting the last cart over by that grocer bag tumble weeds. He waves with a smile and moves the carts and I can leave. Thank god I will not have to do this again for another 2 months.
This is why I shop at the fruit market and Costco and that is it.
atest thing. For Z's 3rd birthday she received her very own Lucy. Look how happy she was!
